A Trans Person's Love

How the trans community revolutionized this cis man's life.

Content Warning: brief reference to CSA, source links to reports of CSA. Viewer discretion is advised.

We live in a country (USA) where the duly elected people who were supposed to be looking out for us have fully thrust the entire populace into a giant, nationwide existential crisis. What we don’t hear enough of amidst the smoke and mirrors games being played—and I believe this to be purposeful—using the exposure of the Epstein Files, the war on Iran, the Palestinian genocide, I.C.E. detentions (read: kidnappings) and killings, and the total collapse of our economy is the undisguised and aggressive Erasure of Trans People in the United States. Literally hundreds upon hundreds of bills nationwide, all spelling out a genocide on United States soil of approximately 0.5% of the population. Let’s get honest though: this is just another in a long list of abominable acts that the “United” States has undertaken. Republican politicians signal the rallying cry of “PROTECTING WOMEN AND CHILDREN!” Meanwhile, cisgender men of the very same group continue to have charges of CSA brought against them, exposing the same behavior they claim to fight against. Don’t believe me?

(content warning)Look here: Who Is Making News? This link is the data summary from the 10,885 cases run from February 10, 2023 through May 23, 2024. I didn’t come here to scream into the void, as I often want to do and as this source information would warrant. I came here to discuss how trans people have positively affected my life.

Trans folks I have known throughout my life have been some of my greatest teachers. They didn’t teach me Math or English or any course that you might encounter throughout the years of schooling many of us undertake. Their presence and effect on my life has been nothing short of extraordinary. I worry about these friends daily—their physical health, their mental health. Their ability to exist as human beings. I care about them deeply. This is why I write this: a testament to their humanity

(Names have been changed for protection)

I met Jacques pre-transition. He was dating a long time friend that I had known since High School. I had moved into a sober living home, and there was a crawfish boil. I was still recovering from a string of traumatic events in my life. I was scared, and I barely knew anyone. I sat near the high school friend’s partner to ground myself. Jacques and I exchanged some small talk and a few laughs, yet I already felt safe with him—a feeling I hadn’t known in quite some time. As time passed, Jacques and I travelled in similar circles and, every time I was near him, that feeling returned. Life life’d, and I hadn’t seen him in a while. Then, all of a sudden, he was at a book club I had been given an invitation to attend.

He never expected anything from me. He always took me as I was, warts and all. We went to get Friday the 13th tattoos together two years in a row. Jacques and his then-partner were the first people I came out to. He accepted me, held space for me, listened to me. Life changes and various other factors separated our physical presence but, thanks to the interwebz, we stayed in contact.

There was a pause in contact for some time, and then a reconnection: he told me he was beginning his transition. I let him know that I supported him and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I held space for him, as he had always done for me. I learned of unconditional love from Jacque. They were there when I needed someone. I would be there for them.

Then there was Jean, who I’d also known pre-transition. When we first met, I knew that this person would be in my life for a while. Jean began her transition, and I immediately saw how the people who had always told us we could rely on them were nowhere to be found. I remained her friend because I understood that she was living her truth and because, ultimately, she was the same person she had always been inside—she was just finally allowing herself to be that woman on the outside, too. I still largely hid from my own truth, and she gave me hope. Time passed, as it had with Jacque, and I was in a point of my life where I felt incredibly mentally and emotionally weakened. Jean showed up for me. I fell in love with her, even though I knew we wouldn’t be together. It’s easy to fall for someone who shows you that you are worthy of love. I still love her, and she knows. She showed me what it was like to live authentically, which allowed me to finally begin to do the same.

I met Astrid through Satanic spaces. She was a strong yet soft and caring Fae (*smile*). Astrid gave me shelter as I was finding my footing again after a move and recovering from the darkest year of my life. She listened to me. She listened to my poetry. She supported me when I began to explore my inner feminine side. She gave me safety when I needed it most. Most importantly: she never judged me.

The members of the trans community who I have come to know have shown me the love, care and acceptance I had always sought from my peers and others yet never received. I learned what it looks like to love myself from the trans community, from watching them actively love themselves and from experiencing their love for me.

Knowing a trans person saved my life. Knowing a trans person helped shine the light to the path I needed to find to learn how to love myself again. Knowing a trans person allowed me to stop hiding from my sexuality. Knowing a trans person has allowed me to fully embrace the femininity that exists alongside my masculinity (duality exists in us all) and to live free from gender norms placed upon cisgender or cis-passing men.

Take a moment. Step outside your prejudice. Step outside the propaganda.

Trans lives matter to me. They should matter to you, too, for one very important reason:

Trans lives matter. Full stop.

~ Sorin Malcontent